Almost over...

Friday I finished my last day of classes at the conservatory.   I almost can't believe it.  I feel like all of the sudden space has opened up before me... and I am about to walk into a meadow full of blooming flowers.  I am so happy to be done!   Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

Wednesday I have my very last performance as a student at the conservatory... my "Exit Evaluation", which I have to do for the voice faculty.  I only have to sing one song for them, of my choosing.

And then what?!   I have been collecting a few students, and I will continue to gather some more so that maybe I can manage to eek out a living here in this big city.  I think that I may have found a place to live...so soon I will move out of this dormitory (it's hard to believe that I will have spent almost three years of my life here!!!).

And now...sleep....

Recital Done!!!

Wheeewwww!     Tonight I gave my final Graduate Vocal Recital at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music.   It went pretty well, overall.   That is the last major hurdle I have to overcome before I graduate.  I have a few more things to do, an exit voice evaluation, a musical theater masterclass, an acting final...and then I will be done.   It has been quite the haul!  And I have learned so much.

I had a major technical break-through in my singing yesterday.  It was at my dress rehearsal.  My teacher, Jane, started out the rehearsal upset with me because she said I wasn't doing anything we had worked on and I had reverted to my old way of singing.  She said she thought maybe she should just leave and not listen to my dress rehearsal, unless I want to try to change and make it better.  "Of course I do,"  I said.  She sat there listening for a while more and said, "I think I may have just had some inspiration...   I think maybe that you think of singing like playing the piano, that you feel like you need to do something physical to make a pitch, that you need to 'strike' a note to make it sound.  But the voice isn't like that.  It's a not a physical action, really, you can't 'play' your voice like you would a piano.  It's just there. You can't do anything do it."   I nodded and thought about it for a minute.  I thought to myself, Okay. So I maybe I am thinking of my voice too much like an instrument.  But really, I can't touch it, I can't strike a note in it. I can't do anything to it.  I don't have an instrument when I sing.  I don't have an instrument... I have no instrument.   I have no voice.

All of the sudden, then, everything started working much better.  My high notes all of the sudden floated out like they had never done before. Things were easier, clearer.  I was trying to not manipulate anything, and just trust.   I sang a few phrases and Jane said, "That's it! That's it.  That's beautiful.  What were you thinking?"   I said, "I was thinking over and over, I don't have a voice."  She laughed a little and said, "Alright.  Keep thinking that."

Sooo.  I asked the recording department to make a video and audio recording of the recital, so when I get the recording I will probably have a couple of things to post for you. :-)

I also had a musical theater performance last weekend, of a musical called "Bernarda Alba".   It's pretty dark (especially for a musical!), but I had fun and I had some pretty solos in it.   I should see if there's a recording in the school library of it yet, because they are supposed to have made a recording of that, as well.

After my recital tonight, a group of my friends went out with me for an after recital party.  It was really nice.   Our Stake President (the area authority of my church), paid for our food.  It was a very nice celebration.

Here is a picture of my friend Laura and me (as well as some pie a la mode, bruschetta and hot apple cider):

Yaaay!

Behind...

I have not been writing on my blog like I would like to.

Life and music have been keeping me very occupied....

Last week I was feeling a little down, a little afraid. And then I thought about all the millions of things I have to be grateful for, how good my life really is.  I realized that something could happen to me tomorrow that would leave me longing for this day I have today, where I have my health, my family, my friends, my music...  Everything is okay.   So many people are dealing with problems that are so much more dire than what I have before me right now. 

Can you believe I will be graduating in two months? 

I was freaking out when I found out my student loan payments are going to be like, $1446 per month when I finally get out of school.  But then I saw that they have a different payment plan you can request if you have a low income...   I don't plan to have a low income when I graduate, it's just that making a lucrative living as a musician is not generally what one can expect... 

I love performing though.  When I was onstage for the opera earlier this month, it made me feel like everything is right in my life.  Like I am on the right path, like everything is as it should be.  I am a performer, and I am performing, and this makes me happy. 

Here's another little video, this one from my dress rehearsal before the performance.  My mom was videoing on her i-phone. 

You know what I would love to have?  An apartment of my own.  I am so tired of sharing the bathrooms, sharing the kitchen, sharing the living space at the dorms.  I've spent almost three years in these little dark rooms now... If I can find a way to make an income here in San Francisco, I will try to get my own place.  We will see. 

I sang a duet with my friend Stephanie Dietz at church a couple of weeks ago, and the Stake President (a San Francisco area leader for my church) heard it, and offered to pay to have a recording produced of it.  I am excited about that.  I talked to my friend Nahuel and we are going to start setting up the project.  It's just one song, but it could be the start of more, who knows!  I actually should call Nahuel tonight to talk to him about our plans. 

Other than that...  My recital preview (like a jury for the faculty to see if I will be ready to give my recital) is in less than a week, and I don't have all of my music learned yet (aaa!).  I'm been focusing on so many other things...   I am planning to do Bach's Cantata No. 51 on my recital but I haven't learned the last two songs yet and the last one is very difficult both to memorize and to sing... so I have a lot of work to do.  I should have been working on that all day today but I got distracted by making videos and doing laundry and catching up on a few Z's.  I feel like I am behind on everything, but I think (hopefully) I will make it through these next couple of months. 

Maybe I will go get my laundry out of the dryer and then head over to the school and work for a while.  

Until later....   

Serse Video

Here is an aria from my performance in Handel's Serse with the SFCM Baroque Ensemble on March 9th.  I wish the video was a little closer up... but at least the sound is good.  I'll try to post some more later! 

Serse!

Hello there,

Sorry it seems like it has been forever since I've posted on my blog. I've been so busy getting ready for the opera I performed in this past weekend (Handel's Serse) that I haven't had much time to think about anything else.

But now it is finished...And I feel so weird (and relieved)!  I have been rehearsing/getting ready for this opera since last summer, so it has been a long time in the making. Soon I will post some recordings from it...but for now all you get are a couple of pictures:

Me, Cara Gabrielson (Atalanta), Mariya Kaganskaya (Serse), Spencer Dodd (Ariodate) in the dressing room during intermission. 

And here is a picture of me with Corey Jamason (my director/conductor) after the concert: 

Some of my family came out for the performance, and on Saturday we toured around the city together a little bit.  

Me, my Mom, and My Grandma in front of the Golden Gate Bridge at Vista Point. 

My sister Rachel, my cousin Bradley, and me. 

All of us at dinner (my dad is in the top left). 

After the concert, we went to Visalia, California, and visiting my Great-Grandpa Curly, who is 98 years old, and doing amazingly well.  

He likes to hear me play piano so I performed some things on his keyboard which he recorded with his digital camera.  :-)

Me and the fam. 

                That's all for now!   :-D

Results...

I didn't win the competition. :-(      I was really sad about this one because it would have been so amazing to have had the experience of both singing AND playing piano with the San Francisco Conservatory Orchestra.    But, you win some, you lose more.  That's the way it always is.   Hopefully I'll have the chance to sing my "Quatre Chansons de Ronsard" by Darius Milhaud with another orchestra someday.

I am grateful for the experience, though.  I really learned a lot, and I felt more expressive and like a better performer onstage as a singer than I have ever felt before in my life.  I am starting to learn how to use my body, my arms, my face, to really express while I sing.  I am starting to be able to be an actress while I stand alone onstage, imagining an entire scene before me and pretending that I actually see it.  I am starting to feel much more at home as a singer.

And you know what?  I really love it.   I love singing for people.     People here are always asking me why I "switched" from piano to voice.  But I didn't switch.  I do both.  I love both.  I sing. I play the piano.  I don't play the piano as much as I would like to these days, but I still am a pianist and I want to perform more!!   I want to sing more, I want to play more.  I want to write more.   I want to go more places, and make more music.

Off to practice... 

Good news!

Hey everyone-  Just a quick post to let you know that I competed Monday in the Conservatory's Voice Concerto Competition....And I made it to the finals!!!

  The final round is tonight at 7:30 in the concert hall. There will be three of us singing our selected pieces all the way through with piano accompaniment.

Keep your fingers crossed, send good thoughts, and say a prayer for me that I can do my best!!!!  

AAAAAAAA!  

Time keeps Rolling

I can't believe how fast time is going.  My last semester at the San Francisco Conservatory begins next week.

Today I had my first coaching with Corey (the Baroque Ensemble/Opera director) since before Christmas break.  It went pretty well, I thought.  I was happy because he said that one of my cadenzas that I wrote for one of my arias "made his day".  He said it's a little bit out of character for the piece...but he thinks he is going to let me do it, anyway. 

Last night I was goofing around in the lobby at the dorm with my friend Prawesh, who is from Nepal.  I was singing some songs and then he asked me if I could sing a song he really likes and he could record it.  We made a silly little video...which I then posted to my vlog on Youtube. Here it is:

I'm sure my pronunciation is awful!  But what would you expect for a first-time 15-minute lesson in another language?


I have been getting really stressed and worried lately about what on earth I am going to do after I graduate in May to make a living... I would like to stay in San Francisco, if possible...but everything is insanely expensive here so I have been concerned about what I will do.  Of course I want to devote myself full-time to my music, but at the moment, nobody is paying me for the  hours I spend practicing (hopefully one day, hehe), so I'll have to find a way to make ends meet in the mean-time.

I've been worrying about it, but then all of the sudden yesterday I felt really happy...realizing that once I am out of school, I actually will be able to devote myself full-time to finding work, and to developing a career that can support me.  So there is no point in being worried right now.

Even if I had to work for minimum-wage for a while somewhere (which I don't think I will because I already have a teaching job that pays more than that where I could get more hours), I think I could find a way to survive here, getting a roommate and sharing a house or an apartment together. So everything will be alright.

I really want to stay and keep studying voice with Jane, because I feel like she is helping my singing immensely.   There are also just lots of wonderful opportunities to make music with other wonderful musicians, opportunities which would be difficult, if not impossible to find if I were to move back to Montana or a similar place.

So here I am.  And we will see what happens.  For now I just need to PRACTICE.  AAaaaaaaa!!!

Ciao for now...  

Semester Finished!

I am very happy to announce that my semester has ended!  I gave my final singing evaluation on Tuesday this week, and it seems to have gone pretty well.

I was so happy because I got back my comments from the vocal faculty yesterday and they were more positive about my singing than they have ever been before.  I know I have improved a lot this year, and it is so gratifying to know that the improvement is showing.  I am so grateful to Jane and my other teachers that have helped me over the years, who continue to help me and guide me.

I sang a song by Copland, called "Why Do They Shut Me Out of Heaven?"  The lyrics are from a poem by Emily Dickinson.

Do you want to read my comments?  I can type them up for you.  Hopefully that's not being too egotistical...I am just so happy about them.

 But first I should give you the lyrics to the song because a couple of the faculty members made funny references to them in their comments:

Why do they shut me out of heaven?
Did I sing to loud?
But I can sing a little minor,
Timid as a bird.
Wouldn't the angels
Try me just once more?
Just see if I troubled them -
But don't shut the door, don't shut the door.
Oh, if I were the gentlemen in the white robes
And they were the little hand that knocked,
Could I forbid, could I forbid, could I forbid?
Why do they shut me out of heaven?
Did I sing too loud?

Okay. Here are the comments:

Daniel Mobbs: Great English diction. nice long phrases - Well done!  Enjoy your break!

Sylvia Anderson: Excellent presentation of this wonderful song! Your talent shows forth!

Cesar Ulloa: You have a very sweet voice. Very expressive and musical -- Great job! Keep up the good work you are doing with your teacher!

Leroy Kromm: Very nice! Very good sense of pitch. Great musicality.  Good improvement. Keep up the good work to maintain good breath management! Merry Christmas -

Jane Randolph (my teacher): Well, you were incredibly musical, but you were not aware of your low support and you definitely had to make space as a result -

Cathy Cook:  Great job - wonderful improvement and progress this semester - it's really coming along! keep up the great work!!

Patricia Craig: Nicely sung! Pretty, silvery sound!  Have a good break -

Ruby Pleasure: Why do they shut me out of heaven?  I would let you in.  We know that you have the highs and flexibility but I'm enjoying the warmth I'm hearing.

Pamela Fry: Your voice has grown so much! It's not too loud, just beautiful! Way to go! Don't check yourself out -- just let it go - you're such a good musician, just trust it and let it go - have fun!


I found it amusing how Jane was definitely my worst critic, which is of course her job.  I am so grateful for her perfectionism.  It is obviously doing good things for me.


Now I have just one more semester to go.  I feel really ready to be out of school next year.  I decided not to apply for the Post-Graduate Diploma right now at the conservatory because I just can't see myself going into more debt at this point.  I think I might try to work next year as a vocal coach and piano/voice teacher in San Francisco....But it will be hard to pay for an apartment because rent has gone WAY up in San Francisco in the last couple of years.   So we'll see how long I can survive.

I am excited though!

New Song! "Come and Walk With Me"

I was up ALL night the night before last, trying to get my final project done for my recording class which was at 9 a.m. Wednesday morning. And here it is... a song I wrote a year and a half ago that I just recorded for the first time.  There is still a lot of work I want to do on the mix... But right now I still have finals and juries coming up and I am just too excited to not show you guys what I have been working on.  So here you go:

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